Episode 9 Soul Cafe Podcast With special guest: Marissa Renee Lee Author of GRIEF IS LOVE
Episode 9 Soul Cafe Podcast
With special guest: Marissa Renee Lee
Author of GRIEF IS LOVE
WELCOME to the Soul Cafe ‘where life is served-up freshly brewed’ are you ready to wake up? As always listen in to Della Mae’s song (with their permission of course) Rude Awakenings,
My very special guest today is Marissa Renee Lee author of a new book entitled—GRIEF IS LOVE—Living with Loss. Marissa is a “rabble-rouser of social healing and a frequently called-upon writer and grief advocate. She is a former appointee in the Obama White House, former managing director of My Brother’s Keeper Alliance, cofounder of the digital platform Supportal, and founder of the Pink Agenda, a national organization dedicated to raising money for breast cancer care, research, and awareness. She is a regular contributor to Glamour, Vogue, MSNBC, and CNN. She lives in the DC area with her husband, Matt, son Bennett, and dog, Sadie.
Thanks so much Marissa for joining me today…………………
So today we are going to focus mainly on Marissa’s book—that I believe is dynamite—yes, it was a tough book to wade through —tough no doubt because Grief is Love—or as I messed up recently and said—Love is Grief—which is so true also.
Marissa—I always like to ask the question of an author—why—why did you write this book? You know the passion that propelled you—and still propels you to talk to crazy Podcast like the Soul Cafe?
I am a Pastor in a progressive church—have been doing this Minister gig for over 40 years now—did I already say I am retiring in a week—-yes, even that loss is Grief is Love—but I say all of that because I have been acquainted with grief a lot—I have walked the valley with countless people—and yes, i too have said some of the dumbest things in the name of comfort to people who have experienced great loss. And that brings me to something you say in your book that really popped out for me—“What I’ve learned most is that instead of fighting against our feelings, we need to work on letting them take up space. I now allow myself to be overcome by all my grief emotions, and there continue to be so many of them. It is really annoying. I have stopped trying to intellectualize them and instead I just feel. In giving my feelings, my grief, the space it needs, I have come to the most obvious realization: YOU DON’T GET OVER IT.” I would add—that there is nothing a person who is grieving needs to hear more than this—STOP TRYING TO GET OVER IT—and if you are trying to help someone —walking with them in their grief—don’t tell them they will get over it one day. Help me here Marissa—talk to us.
IN my opinion—what really engaged me into this book was the raw honesty (some call that vulnerability)—the belly laughing humor—real ness you might say—like when Marissa is talking about life at Christmas after the death of her mom—“my mother was the Queen of Christmas—-no matter how sick she was, the whole spectacle was completely over the top. I struggled with Christmas after she died, but eventually, with the help of Matt, I found my way. Every year, we host an over-the-top holiday party called “Tacos and Baby Jesus”. We serve multiple kinds of tacos, do a homemade cookie swap, host a charity food drive, and give out prizes for the most outrageous costumes. You wouldn’t believe what some folks will put on just to win a semi decent bottle of wine.” Thanks to that story now my wife wants us to do Tacos and Baby Jesus since the death of her over the top Christmas mom. Humor has always been part of the journey for me—any other funny stories you would like to share—please…..?(i also love the one about the Pastor at your wedding)
As the book is beginning to wrap up Marissa talks about legacy—“i often found myself confusing her legacy with the idea of honoring her or keeping her memory alive externally, out in the world…..her legacy is how i choose to live as a result of life and death…..legacy is based on the fact that there was someone you loved dearly and who loved you back, and that love now lives on through you.” Marissa would you continue your thought process on legacy?
So, saved the hardest reality to the end—more societal grief—10 killed in Buffalo by a young man consumed with racism—pure hate that he has no doubt learned from all of us—in the book you talk about how “you have come to recognize that we struggle hardest when we don’t feel protected—this often makes grief tougher for people of color. Black people in particular; because the safety that vulnerability requires is so much harder to access. How can you grieve when you can’t breathe? I am exhausted as a white person that cares—but what are you feeling right now—with COVID—racism—Grief is love? Marissa ……
Folks—you need to get this book—Grief is Love—as Willie Geist, host of Sunday Today with Willie Geist and New York Times bestselling author says about the book—“Authentic, all-inclusive, and utterly breathtaking, this is the book that will help you deal with your darkest days and walks with you as you venture back into the light.”
Thanks you so much Marissa for taking the risk today to join me at the Soul Cafe—i hope our paths will cross again.
I have been really blessed with some great guest this season and today is the end of season 1…thanks for listening in…next season starts in September. As I reflect back over this season and in life in general I have been saying this little mantra to myself a lot
Dag Hammarskjold once said:
For all that has been….Thanks!
For all that shall be….Yes!
Get outside for the sake of your heart. For the sake of your soul…Della Mae take us outside.
You can join Marisa Renee Lee on Thursday May 19th, 2022 from 7:30-8:30pm at Water Street Bookstore in Exeter, NH.